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Touchline Dad

Touchline Dad

TOUCHLINE Dad is written by Peter Harvey, a newspaper editor with Trinity Mirror Merseyside. Father-of-three Peter, 39, worked as a writer for the Liverpool Echo during the 1990s and is the former editor of the Crosby Herald and Bootle Times newspapers (2001-2006). He is currently editor of the Advertiser Series in West Lancashire. Touchline Dad is a lifelong Liverpool fan.

Our Jack...

Jack with his first Man of the Match award

JACK Harvey is seven, going on seventy-seven. He's a dependable, no-nonsense defender for Marine FC's U7s playing in the Bootle and Netherton Junior Football League in north Liverpool. Jack played for Crosby Stuart U7s in 2006/7, helping them win every league game. He is being encouraged to appreciate both Liverpool AND Everton...for now at least.

The Gaffer

The Gaffer

THE Gaffer is a true Blue. Although she's now swapped her Gwladys Street season ticket for looking after three children on a Saturday afternoon, she still gets steamed up thinking about Graeme Sharp in his skimpy shorts.

Not forgeting...

Emily

EMILY is five and has no interest in football. Her kicks come from Barbie girls and make-up, bangles and beads. Oh, and shoes. She changes them at least five times a day. Dabbles with ballet and swimming. Cross her at your peril.

And finally...

Paddy

PADDY inherited a mini Everton kit from Sam down the road. No doubt 'Pads' will also get Jack's pass-me-downs, so that will narrow his allegiance to Real Madrid, Juventus, Republic of Ireland, England, Everton and Liverpool. Loves pirates, yoghurts and Josie Jump. He's got the second worst temper in the North West...

Marine AFC

FORMED in 1894 and based in Crosby, north Mersyside. The first team plays in the Northern Premier League and were champions in 1994 and 1995. 220.jpgThey had a famous FA Cup run in the early 1990s, eventually being knocked out by Crewe 3-1 in the 3rd round. Roly Howard was manager for a record 33 years (1972-2005), although he will always be remembered by some fans as Kenny Dalglish's window cleaner. TV presenter Ray Stubbs once asked: "How's business, Roly?" to which Roly replied "Oh you know - ups and downs."

Snapshots

Jack and his Marine U7 teammates
Jack, Carra, Emily, Touchline Dad and the European Cup
Jack, Emily and Paddy
Jack at Goodison Park, 2007
Jack at Anfield, 2007
Jack (stripes) in action for Crosby Stuart
Jack's former team Crosby Stuart U7s

Crosby Stuart

THIS was Jack's first club. It was formed in the early 1970s in north Liverpool and is now one of the biggest and most successful junior football clubs in the North West. Crosby StuartFormer players include Michael Ball (Everton and Rangers) and Stephen Wright (Liverpool and Sunderland). The club motto is 'To Enjoy, Not Destroy.'

Football Crazy

"JACK stood before me in his Buzz Lightyear pyjamas, hands on hips. I kicked him hard in the shins. Instead of falling to the carpet and rolling in agony, he laughed. 'Do it again, Dad. Do it again. We’ll trick Mum.' I didn’t fancy chancing our comedy double act with The Gaffer, so instead Jack clambered into bed still wearing his new 'shinnies.' 'Maybe tomorrow, eh dad?' he asked as he closed his eyes to see his Premier League heroes greet him."

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Steve McClaren: Wally With A Brolly

Posted by Peter Harvey on November 22, 2007 10:50 AM | 

Pssst! Jose. You wanna job??Steve McClaren struggled from the start


'OH hi! Is that Jose? It's Brian Barwick from the FA. No. Bri-an Bar-wick. I need someone to win us the World Cup. Fancy it? Fixed contract. Loadsamoney. Two years. Win or bust. Yep or no?'


That's how you fix a problem like the England team.


But, of course, the bunglers will cosy up to an uninspiring, possibly relatively unheard of, 'safe pair of hands.'


Steve McClaren was arrogant in refusing to resign from his post after the humilation against Coatia. Perhaps he was safeguarding a few quid by waiting to be sacked. A man with honour would have walked within minutes of the final whistle...with his head down.


And what a performance by him. He was rooted beneath an umbrella sipping water, a solitary figure not even prepared to seek advice from the highly paid people around him. Passion? He made ice cold Sven look like a furious Fergie.


McClaren was never the man for the job - that was obvious from the moment he revealed his new teeth and coiffured hair at the Soho Square press conference last May. We don't want 'image' mate. We want someone to teach this shower of underachievers tactics and pride.


McClaren ain't either. A decent right hand man? Yes. Someone to lead England to World Cup glory? Nah.


Of course, everyone hates those who say: "I told you so." But I did.


Back in April I saw the crash about to happen....

"Wouldn't they (the FA) be better served looking for a replacement manager? Someone who DOES believe Jamie Carragher and John Terry could help us win a World Cup? Or am I alone in thinking Steve McClaren is tactically average, woefully uninspiring and insufficiently qualified for the job?
"At the moment we're bang on track to come third (and therefore not qualify) in our Euro group behind Croatia and Russia."

So how come if someone who's never kicked a ball professionally and who (by his own admission) can talk tosh about football at times sees things straight, the FA can't?


Barwick & Co would do worse than to run a poll among England fans to choose the next manager. We seem to know better than the suits and blazers. They know FA.


Mourinho (objectionable, deluded, possibly crazy) would come out on top. And boy would he make it an exciting countdown to the World Cup in 2010.


More importantly he'd get the best out of the players and blow away the cobwebs from Soho Square.

Comments (7)

Slaven Bilic wrote...

Nijedan spretnost , nijedan strast , nijedan borba , nijedan ljeto nogomet

Posted by: Slaven Bilic  | November 22, 2007 3:23 PM

csb wrote...

The amount of money the FA have just lost after last nights inept performance, I doubt they can afford the 'special one'.
Who in their right mind would want this poisioned chalice anyway?
I've heard Bertie Voigts is still looking for a job! I'm sure he would love the opportunity to work with the worlds most overpaid, overrated and unpassionate players.

Posted by: csb  | November 22, 2007 3:33 PM

Byasen wrote...

csb, why don't we go after it? I could be Lawrie McMenemy to your Graham Taylor

But don't expect me to be a kiss ass Phil Neal figure, cos I'm not like that, in more ways than one!

Posted by: Byasen  | November 22, 2007 5:35 PM

Mourinho wrote...

Porque eu quero trabalhar para você Inglês porcos? Você quer beijar minha rica pernas?

Posted by: Mourinho  | November 22, 2007 8:19 PM

csb wrote...

Byasen, Why on earth would I want to leave a committed, passionate skillful and hard working TEAM for a bunch of goons?
I know I have a little bit more pressure than the English manager but I can handle it!
As a scotsman I really dont give a monkeys chuff who they pick next but as a parent of a distaught son I hope they go for someone to bring a bit of passion and pride back to the team. I dont think a foreign coach is the answer so I would be looking at someone like Harry Redknapp.
Scotland were in a similar position after the Bertie Voigts debacle but they went for a home grown passionate club manager who turned it around and at least I have a bit of pride in the way Scotland are playing at the moment. One question I do have; Why are English fans so shit? Outsung at a home match of vital importance by a few thousand mad Croations! The best song they could come up with was 'God Save the Queen'. The most boring national anthem ever!
I've finished my little rant now and I'm off for a lie down.

Posted by: csb  | November 23, 2007 8:52 AM

Paul Waring wrote...

Hi Pete.
Agree with your article.I'm rather impressed that José leaves comments but also slightly confused by his poor command of Portuguese.I'm very possibly an English pig but I have no wish whatsoever to kiss his "tasty legs"!
Perhaps you could write an article about British Footballers linguistic love affair with the Present Perfect Tense.
e.g. I've come through on the inside and scored, and then we´ve given it away at the end.
Why oh why can nobody involved in Football use a simple Past Tense?
Intrigued? I certainly am and look forward to your comments.
Keep up the good work.
Até a proxima.(I think that's right!)

Paul Waring. Lisbon.

Posted by: Paul Waring  | November 23, 2007 7:15 PM

Touchline Dad wrote...

I think Jose prefers to let his football do the talking. Perhaps after a few years in London his Portuguese is rusty. Tasty legs?

The Gaffer must have cracked the password protected editorial system and is trying to make me look silly. She always puts down her copy of Bodybuilding Weekly when The Swarthy One comes on TV and says "Hellloooo" like Leslie Phillips.

As Alan Partridge would (hopefully) say: "Comer minha meta!"

P.S. Not sure what Slaven Bilic was on about. I suspect it was along the lines of 'no passion, no heart, no balls, no hope.'

How's your Serbo-Croat?

Alternatively it could've been: 'Hey Touchline Dad. Stopping arsing around in your pyjamas and get Jack to the footy. He needs to be there for nine."

Posted by: Touchline Dad  | November 24, 2007 8:16 AM

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